Honest Blogging

I have had an interesting experience as a father . . . I’ve been reading my oldest son’s blog. He told me the next step is to actually make a comment about his blog. We’ll see . . . What I have noticed about my son’s blog is that he is very honest. He is not afraid to question the traditions of church, whether his own church, or the church in general. He will talk about his own questions and struggles. His readership has grown from a few to hundreds. I am proud of him and I am inspired by his honesty.

Let me attempt at being that honest – I have a love/hate relationship with being a pastor. There is a sense of fulfillment and excitement that is really energizing. For example, on January 11th we reenacted the response that we saw in the Magi by offering our own personal gifts to the Lord for 2009. There were a couple hundred sacrificial responses within our church body, indicating our desire to give our all to the Lord. As I read through some of them I was so encouraged and inspired. It was the mountaintop. But my heart sinks when I experience the prevailing discouragement that so many live with – an apathy about God and a wondering in life, pulled in every direction . . . losing one’s grip with the Lord. I struggle with the responsibility of the spiritual well-being of people that call New Harvest their home. People have told me that I don’t have to carry that weight, but I do. I have a love/hate relationship with being a pastor.

As I was reading ahead in 1 Samuel, these words got my attention, “Until the day Samuel died, he did not go to see Saul again, though Samuel mourned for him. And the LORD was grieved that he had made Saul king over Israel.” (1 Samuel 15:35) Samuel is God’s appointed prophet, as the first several chapters of 1 Samuel indicate. Samuel mourned for Saul. (15v35) Saul had drifted far from his original humility and obedience to God. I guess mourning is part of the call to leadership in the church because you see people drifting away, like a guy named Saul. I mourn like that for those who drift. However, the words “the Lord was grieved that he made Saul king,” were even stronger for me. I am a pastor because God has called me to be a pastor, and my commitment is to finish well. I pray that I will not be a man that would grieve God. I don’t like the travail that sometimes grabs my heart concerning the condition of the church . . . New Harvest and the church in general. But more than anything else I want to please the Lord. He has called me to be a pastor and I will continue to say yes.